It seems to revolve around...

...trust

This week, it's trust. So many things about trust.

One main thing about me:I trust very little people and those I do 'trust', I trust very little.

Why, you - whoever 'you' are - ask? Well I guess you can say that I was raised not trusting anyone.

Most kids are taught from an early age to trust people. I was taught that I couldn't trust a lot of people. A hard hit of reality, I know. So as I grew up, I began trusting less and less. On top of being told to trust very little people, I experienced things that resulted me in realising that trusting people means hurting less.

With me, it always ends up with hurting a little less than I do in that moment. All of my decisions revolves around that concept. Therefore to me, at an early age, I realised that less trust equals less hurt. This then resulted in my 'independence' I mentioned before and why that one boy's statement stuck with me - which happened five or so years ago. Clichéd, I know.

Fast forward to now, and here I am, this week, where my trust has been once again tested.

Case number one: I went out to lunch with a friend.


Case number two: I'm going to go out for dinner with friends.


In case number one, I explicitly said, twice, "I don't trust anyone." And for each of those times, it seemed like she didn't believe me. Maybe that's my non-trust issues for not believing her.


In case number two, I told my parents that I was going out. It ended up being a lecture on not trusting people you don't know because they will hurt you. They always use examples of other people's experiences. 

Sure, I don't like the fact that people say that one should make mistakes to learn of and experience the world, but I also don't like when people won't LET you make mistakes for you to learn from. I know, what are you left with? Well, honestly, I don't know...nothing, I'm assuming.


I do hope, though, that I could be more trustful with people. It's hard not having trust in anyone. It's hard living like that, and I wouldn't want to wish that on the smallest insect or my worst enemy. I don't want to walk on the street and look over my shoulder every ten seconds to check if someone is following me. I don't want that. Maybe no so much as trust, and more of paranoia.

I don't know if I can change (though it's never too late for change), but trust if you can. And trust wholeheartedly. That's really all I can ask of you. You'll be better off with it.