The last year...

I am a teenager So I'm turning 19. I didn't get the whole teenage experience in my previous years, if you can call all that happens in high school the whole teenage experience. No, I didn't get homeschooled. I went to a regular high school with all sorts of people: guys, girls, douches, nerds, 'populars', the occasional goat (literally...a goat). I did, however, stay away from alcohol and drugs (not that I would ever do either of those things). I did go out to parties. I went to school. I went out with friends. I did have fun.  But I reckon this year, my last year as a teenager, should be a year of something. By something, I don't know what I mean, but something. Whether it be to get a different job from the one I got 5 years ago, finally dye my hair (or maybe even get a pixie cut), or go on that road trip I know my parents won't let me ever go one(my friends are, apparently, a bad influence). I might even decide to blow all my money on a plane ticket. One more week until I turn nineteen and I want to start it with a bang, but like most years, I'll probably go to that little Chinese restaurant in the city that is my absolute favourite for lunch and then have KFC for dinner with a caramel cake with no candles. That's how a majority of my birthdays were celebrated. Last year (my eighteenth) wasn't too bad. I went to dinner with my friends and then I went to a club for the first time. It was good, but it has been my only experience of it. I wouldn't rule it out, but people worked it up to be something so different, when really, the house parties people threw were better because there was more space (I like breathing fresh air) with good music from the DJs (because you could request). This year, for my birthday, it's going to be all kinds of different. I don't really know if it will be, but here's to hoping. I do know, however, one thing that will be different. The absence of a friend. And I italicise the word 'friend' mainly because after today, after what I just received, it doesn't feel like that. All those years of friendship, all of the things we went through just recently, blown out the window simply because they didn't remember my birthday. Instead she was trying to remake plans that couldn't happen today for that day, my birthday, when she should've remembered, because I sure as hell remember hers. Maybe I'm a little moody. Maybe I'm being selfish. But I can be, can't I? You can see it as a relationship that was crumbling for the past could of months. It went quickly from seeing each other 6 days out of the week to not even talking for two months maybe even more (granted that I was overseas for one month and was pretty much unavailable, but Facebook does exist...and twitter, and clearly tumblr). It was ended - a weird sort of ending, also very complicated - three days before I left, but we still talked like we used to. But it was never the same, after this massive happening that broke me down partially a couple of months back (I'm still waiting for the real breakdown and maybe it's happening now, now that I know the things I do today) it was okay. Just okay. But today, no. I have another friend I'm pretty close to, but not too close where I talk to her every week, but she still remembered. Sure, it was in relation to her birthday because hers is the next day, but she still remembered. Am I regretting the friendship? Definitely not. Am I hoping that it'll be the same? Maybe. Am I hurt? Surprisingly, no. I think this birthday is going to be different. That there will be an absence of something - someone - and, happily enough, I don't care. I should, but I don't. Because I'm going out to the city to that little Chinese restaurant with my family and get drunk on 7eleven slurplees. I'm going to sing to the songs on the radio on the way back and laugh uncontrollably when the artist singing gets the lyrics wrong and I get it right. I'm going to eat seven pieces of KFC and I'm going to hog a carton of the chips all to myself. I will cut my caramel cake. It'll be the same as almost every other year I celebrated my birthday. Or maybe it'll be different. Maybe, this time, I'll get candles.